there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
