He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
