Kiss
Puke
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
