last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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