This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
