I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
