Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
