I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
