therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
