It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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