Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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