Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
