last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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