Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
