is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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