my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
