i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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