I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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