went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
