the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
smell my finger.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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