got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
