you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
