too bad you live with your parents still
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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