This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
