got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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