So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
