i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
