woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
