Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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