I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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