Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
