Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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