I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
And then he peed in my hair
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