She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
