Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Randomize
