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eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
as a side note pls kill me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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