They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
