this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
