You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
