I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
