I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
