She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
