why im i the only drunk person in the library?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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