just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
