I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
