Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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