Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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