Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
