sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
