One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
