1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
