Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
